Updated: Sep 15, 2021
Healthy boundaries are good for all sides in relationships. Without some ground rules, one is often left feeling drained, unmotivated, resentful, and often ends up feeling used and abused (so to speak). This is because one side is often taking more than the other is receiving and is by no means necessarily done consciously or on purpose (most times).
However, after people set a boundary, others will continue to try crossing the line, consciously or unconsciously. When this happens, I recommend that the person who set up the rules step into their power (strength, courage and confidence) and speak up as appropriate in the situation. If you don’t, how will the other person ever know they are crossing the line? Sometimes, we need to reaffirm and teach others what is acceptable moving forward with us. Other times, we need to adjust our boundaries and find a stronger one that works better.
As a psychic-medium/healer/consultant, people often approach me with the idea that I am always in work mode, aka ON. I can be anywhere, and if someone knows the type of stuff I do, they will often try to get freebies or ask my “opinion” or what I feel or think about a subject, how to do something, to send them healing/prayers, and a plethora of other stuff. Heck, even when calling to book an appointment, some will try to get something for nothing or to test me to see if I am the “real deal.” To some, this is very disrespectful or distasteful on many fronts.
While there was a time, I was always ON, I have learned to set boundaries over the years and turn OFF to focus on the human side of life. I never understood the importance of doing this until someone I was studying with taught us how to open for and close after a session. After doing this for the week, often multiple times a day, I learned how valuable a tool this offered in setting boundaries, both with others and with Spirit. Yes, even Spirit needs some rules to engage with us humans. Otherwise, they will try to put us to work everywhere we are at any given time.
We have all seen the shows where the medium is out somewhere, and Heaven comes forth to get a message to their loved one. I often cringe at this, knowing what I now know. I understand this happens more often when the medium hasn't learned to set their boundaries with Spirit or doesn't even know they have the right to or know how perhaps. I understand that this isn't always the case; some mediums opened to Heaven for the show's filming that day.
I was once that guy in the bookstores where Heaven was hanging around waiting and pushing me to deliver messages to people amongst the sea of books. I honoured the calling at the time, but shortly afterwards, my angels and guides showed me the light and guided me to a teacher to assist me in becoming a better medium and human.
You see, boundaries are instrumental in improving your relationships in all ways when engaged correctly. Often, especially at first, we set the stage, but then the walls move along the way as people still try to navigate around the perimeter. If we let them do so, it won't be long before the walls crumble down and the boundary is no more. While it may not always be easy to step back or to say no to someone, it is your human right to have healthy rules and regulations in your relationships. It is a sign of respect for your time and energy and an opportunity to bring the best of you to others whose paths you cross along the way.
While it may not always be easy to step back or to say no to someone, it is your human right to have healthy rules and regulations in your relationships. It is a sign of respect for your time and energy and an opportunity to bring the best of you to others whose paths you cross along the way. At times, I still struggle with this, but I am learning to stand in my power and speak my truth more each day. It isn't always comfortable to say no or stand my ground. But in doing so, I am showing love for myself and showing others I love (and respect) them enough to want to bring the best of me into the relationship. Thank God I have an entire lifetime to master this lesson.
I also recognize that if I don't affirm my healthy boundaries, I have no boundaries at all. When this happens, people will try to walk over me or use me for their purposes. If I don't value myself and my boundaries, how can I ever expect another to do the same?
However, the other side of the coin is just as valid. If I don't honour whatever boundaries others have set, then I am showing them disrespect and not love. If I truly loved them, I wouldn't be pushing the envelopes either. I would be listening to the energy, feeling, and words shared and make sure to follow their lead in the relationship. After all, a healthy relationship goes both ways and isn't just about me, despite what the ego may try to say or do.
If you have a boundary and you find yourself before me, and I cross it unknowingly, let me know; it is okay for you to speak up and reaffirm your boundary. It is okay to say what you feel or think on a subject. We don’t always have to agree; this can be a part of a healthy, balanced and respectful relationship.
I have learned (and am still mastering) the art of having downtime and not always being ON. After all, I do have other things going on besides the work of Spirit. I still have a slight loophole with Spirit, and the Spirit world knows how to reach me should an emergency call to action or service be required. The Spiritual Realm knows they have to go through my Angels and Guides when I am not in work mode.
I need to have a healthy balance in my life, and together, with Spirit by my side, I am figuring out what works best for me along the way. I have many goals to accomplish, and being of service in the world is highly important to me. However, being a soul having a human experience, we mustn’t forget the human part of the equation and not live only in the ethers with Spirit. As above, so below the saying goes, but the opposite is also essential, as below, so above.
I have a working protocol that includes continued education, meditation, opening to Spirit, sitting in my power, running my energy daily; this is just a part of preparing for a session. I am no longer the guy who is permanently “turned ON” and ready to work. Don’t engage with me like I am at all times. Take my lead and honour the boundaries set before you.
Today, I ask you to take a moment to reflect on your relationships (whether it is romantic, platonic, and career or any other type) and see where you need to set, reaffirm or strengthen your healthy boundaries. What are some steps you can take to teach others what is or isn't acceptable moving forward? Where are your weaknesses, and what do you need to learn to transform them into strengths? Where do you lack the keys to respect, balance and love? What can you do better to share the best of you with the world? Where are you taking advantage of others, and what can you do to change this moving forward?
These are just a few questions to assist you with your quest to have healthy, balanced and respectful relationships. If you take some time to listen to what others are sharing (on all levels), you may also find some keys to a more extraordinary happier life. But remember, it is always a two-way street, so make sure you are not just listening, but you are showing that you have heard what you have asked of you to bring to the relationship.
Next time you think about crossing a line, pause and reflect if this is the right thing to do or if there is a better way forth.
Don't go into a situation thinking others are always in working ON mode. After all, you wouldn't want them engaging you in work subjects outside of the office or after-hours all the time, so what makes you think you have the right to do so to them? They have a life outside of work, and if you are lucky enough to be a part of this sacred part of their life, honour the relationship with love, compassion and respect. Use this time to get to know them on a whole new level and and engage their passions, life interests and joyful Spirit. You are sure to reap the friendship rewards.
Be conscious moving forward, knowing everyone has boundaries to some degree. Do your best to listen and honour what is not often physically shared or spoken out loud. Put yourself in their shoes and try to see things from their side. If you do so, you will probably start to see the invisible boundaries they hold dear and perhaps, find yourself more in harmony with each other.
Chances are your boundaries may be similar to theirs, and if you honour yours, you will be honouring theirs as well. But rather than guess and take a chance, you could open up the conversation and begin to engage on a whole new level in your relationships. Why wait until you cross the line one too many times to find out? Start today, and enjoy a better connection moving forward. Learn the protocols and rules to engagement and set yours forth today.
We have all reached out and called our trusted friends (partners, co-workers, family, etc.) about a problem we may be having at work, home or wherever. However, it’s important to remember they aren’t our therapists. And if they are, then we need to make an appointment and respect their time, energy and service. It is time to stop abusing the friendship. Let’s keep business and personal separate; Otherwise, the lines shall become muddy at some point, which is when problems will undoubtedly arise.
There should always be a fair energy exchange. Don’t go in expecting to unpack your emotional or mental baggage on others for nothing. Otherwise, you will find yourself on the receiving end at some point. What you give out will always find a way to come back to you.
That heavy and dense energy you bring to the equation in those moments doesn't serve anyone. Both sides deserve to have a better experience. Surely, you can agree? So take the time to move back into alignment with your soul. No one needs to be sucked into anyone's drama triangle.
A wise teacher once told me: It is impossible to have healthy friendships with your clients and students. I thought I knew better at the time, but looking back over the years, I now understand how true this can be. People don't cross the lines on purpose (most times); they sometimes don't know where the boundaries lay. Therefore, as teachers, it is up to us to show others where ours lay and learn where theirs are.
Lead by example, and you will find yourself nurturing healthier experiences. It may not happen overnight and may lead to some bruises along the way, but the result is so worth it. Know your worth and love yourself to free yourself by setting balanced and healthy boundaries in all areas of your life. I know I am worth the time and effort to say no, set limits, and live a more balanced life one day at a time. You are as well.
I hope you have received blessings through this post and that it helps you improve the overall quality of your relationships (with the world, with Spirit, and with your own life).
From my heart to yours, I love and appreciate you. Blessings, Brian D. Calhoun PS: If you enjoyed this posting and want more, follow and comment on my Social Media posts and don't forget to click the heart button below.
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